Open ConFESSional

I think part of the reason I don't blog as often as I could is because I have so many different thoughts and ideas and can never focus on one. I also worry that I become repetitive with my postings. If I am sounding like a broken record, then I apologize. But the reality is that there are so many lessons that I have to relearn and relearn and relearn before they finally stick in my mind. And I have made many. I am going to start an open confessional where I post about my young ignorant mistakes that I make. And I seem to make the same ones over and over again. But what I have started to see over the last year as I reflect on my choices, both good and bad, is that my choices to affect others. I have said nasty things. I have said uplifting things. I have ignored people. I have devoted time to others. I am hoping my open confessional will do something for those that read it, and for he who writes it. I want it to be a weekly reminder that our actions affect those around us. So to begin:

To "B": I apologize for not recognizing that I couldn't initially give you what you deserved. You had shown your hesitations towards trusting me on numerous occasions and I chose to take advantage of that. I will never forgot that day where I sat you down across my kitchen table and told you my decision. I could see how stunned you were. How much it hurt you.

Hurt. Inconsiderate. Rude.

And yet you stuck around. You showed a devotion to a friendship that I didn't seem to care about. That trust I violated you kept for whatever reason. You chose to ignore my immaturity.

You waited for me. And here we are, more than a year later and I can say with my heart that I have found one of my best friends. And nothing can change that. So I confess:

Selfishness. Arrogance.