What is There to Understand About Love?

Why are there just some songs that seem to touch right at the emotion intended? I suppose what I mean by that is that some songs you can tell are just written to be enjoyed while others are written from experiences and truth.

I am a prodigal son, perhaps more so than others. I tend to be the one that, when pushed to my limits by God, I usually turn my back on Him and run away. Not physically as, say Jonah, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Sometimes I literally will say to Him, "I am done playing your games" and what ensues is an extended time of blatant disregard. For me, I don't use sinful acts to rebel. Rather, I just chose to ignore my Christian calling. That does include sinning, but my focus isn't to just sin and anger God, my decision is to earn back control of my life.

Because that is what this all really boils down to: control. For me, so much of my life has been out of control. Things have managed my life and even made decisions for me. So I am hesitant to give up to God what little control of my own life I have. I am sure some of you are beginning to think I am going crazy, seeing as how I mentioned a song just two paragraphs above. "I Need You to Love Me" by BarlowGirl is sort of my embarrassing song I like. Granted the group is geared towards Christian girl tweens, but if one actually listens to the words they can't hear just how much of the emotion conveyed in the song is understood by the women of the group. But how does it relate to my control? (Note: the following is going to be me being very open.)

Love has been perhaps the thing least under my control. Considering that I have but begun to understand familiar love, I have never gained a solid grasp on the four letter word. In my past, and still to this day, I have built walls, lashed out at others, and literally cried myself to sleep from confusion and hurt. I am fragile when it comes to the integral emotion because I have never owned it before. Honestly, few people have. But moreover, if I have trouble understanding love here on Earth, how can I possibly understand God and His love? The moment the words trust and love come into my head in conjunction with G O D I shut up. Perhaps I have reason to not trust Him? (Only partially serious) But the fact is that I have trouble trusting Him and thus I have trouble accepting His love and rescinding control, or rather my attempts to control, that emotion.

My time here was to demonstrate to me that I can love. And the trust that comes with that love is good. I haven't been so great at working at this, seeing how I am 9 weeks into a 12 internship, but nevertheless I have learned, and I need to take this new understanding of love, control, and trust, and apply them daily.

So I want to thank the following people, for being God's instruments in teaching me this amazing lesson: Laura, Liz, Ben, and Kelsey.

Thank You