Family

What is family? Who are family? I have been struggling with this issue a lot lately and mainly because over the last year I have chosen to ignore problems that were arising in my own biological family.

Family, to me, is the group of people you surround yourself by, biological or not, that love you unconditionally. This doesn't mean that they don't have expectations for you. This also doesn't mean you are always right with them. Unconditional love doesn't necessarily mean you can do no harm or wrong. But you run a fine line trying to be supportive but also corrective. I can tell you from personal experience on many occasions that my own family (whomever that may be) has crossed the line into being too corrective. Someone in my family once told me that each family has its own set of morals and expectations. Problems arise within the family when one member chooses not to follow those expectations and boundaries. While I understand what was trying to be explained, I think in this last week I have come to realize what was truly meant.

A family member is no more when they chose to no longer love those unconditionally in the family. A perfect example: recently I was hurt deeply by one in my family. Words cannot fathom how difficult the days following the incident were. And over time that pain turned to anger, and suddenly anger was turning to rejection. I had no desire to be a part of this family any longer. But it wasn't until I received sound advice and had time to ponder what had happened that I realized I was beginning to not love my family unconditionally. No matter what had been done or said, no matter how hurtful or hypocritical, were I to shut down and divorce myself from the family I would no longer be loving them unconditionally. The rift that was occurring wasn't happening because of any choices I had made. It wasn't happening because rules or boundaries were being broken, nor because expectations were set too high. No, it was happening because both sides had stopped loving the other unconditionally. No matter who "committed it first" the sin was ours to bear together. And were neither of us to acknowledge that then there would have been a great divorce. So ugly and so painful I'd like not to think on it.

But if a group of people or a person is considered family to you, than no matter what, you will love them unconditionally. You will fight for a relationship no matter what mistakes or hurtful things are said or done. You will not give up. Because giving up is not loving unconditionally. And not loving unconditionally means you are not family.