Single

Why are we so afraid of being alone? Why is it that we need to have someone, or some people, around us? Better yet, why is it that we associate being single as also being alone?

I know this post will speak to few of us, since probably 75% of whom I know is in some sort of relationship: marriage, dating, significant other, etc. But I want to argue against the idea that being single means you are alone. Trust me, I have been single my entire life, aside from a few casual dating moments and one almost serious relationship (that I screwed up no less). But I can say that I am not sitting here writing some melodramatic song about being alone, being heartbroken, hoping to find that special someone, etc.

Many of you will argue back that in 3 years I will have matured and will finally want to "settle down." To that, I say, I will never settle down. I will find someone, yes. And that someone will want me to stick around and be happy to be taken. But it will not be someone that will cause me to settle down. And until then, I am not alone. I think it also goes deeper than just feeling alone. Because I have seen so many of my friends who jump around from relationship to relationship. Are they really trying to find that one person? They aren't trying to be whores, that is for sure. It isn't that superficial. No, they try to validate themselves through a relationship. And that never works out. Trust me, the past two relationships I was "in" were ones where I was trying to validate who I was through the relationship I was pursuing. And that isn't healthy nor does it work.

But it is this relentless pursuit that causes us to ignore the reality that we may be pursuing a relationship solely for our own validation. We need to ignore the pressure around us and make sure that when we do dive into a commitment with another human, it is in a manner that reflects a validation of each other. Until then, remain single. Date casually, but remain single. Don't dive into commitment until you know that when you take that leap there is a desire to validate the other person in the relationship. I honestly think there would be less relationships in number, but more successful ones if we all followed this idea.

 Don't get me wrong, I am no professional at relationships: I have never been in a serious, committed relationship. But it has been my experience in failed after failed dating situation, on either part, that has taught me to reflect first on what my intentions are. And it takes time to determine that in any relationship. Which is why we don't become best friends with another right away. So lets not do the same with boyfriends and girlfriends. But when we do: