Clarity

I thought each year of age brought about more clarity and certainty. But I am beginning to see just how naive that idea is. In just the few weeks of turning a quarter century it seems I've found myself in more quandaries than not.

I suppose it deals with the fact that as you get older you begin to become more self aware. In fact, I'd wager that it isn't until your 20s, when you are finally faced with full responsibility of your life, do you begin to actually understand things you say and do. Your perception of yourself increases.

Sadly, for me, I've seen on numerous occasions over the past few months where I have become self-aware in the midst of different situations. And in many cases it appears to be too late. I get that hindsight before it becomes hindsight but after it could have been perception of what was to unfold. And the majority of times I could have made different choices that could have prevented, or even encouraged, behaviors.

What's all this to say? Nothing really. It is merely an observation of the transformative years I have been through and will move into. I suppose it is also an expression of frustration. Frustration because it seems my heart and mind are disconnected but slowly on a path to reconnect as I become more and more self aware. And until that happens, that dissonance will be an issue.