I am my own best mentor*

Why is it that we can be the best advice for others yet chose to act like a little child standing there in front of you, red faced yelling "LA LA LA" with their ears plugged by respective index fingers? My best friend Gypsy and I joke all the time as we talk about the ways of life about how we never listen to the advice that we give each other. And it seems I have been that little child so many times over the past few months.

But the funny thing is what happened as a result of it all. I have been in a little funk of no one's doing and I couldn't seem to shake it. Until I had an open and honest conversation with a good friend that it hit me like a brick wall. No, make that cement. Suddenly I could recall the countless times in the past I had given this certain strain advice to others. Literally, saw past events flashing by, as if someone had taken a recording of me making a mistake over and over again and forcing me to watch it for hours. And while it took me a few moments to digest it as I walked away and contemplated what had been spoken both physically and mentally, I suddenly felt this emotion of sadness lifted. Why?

I was suddenly free of this inwardly-focused state of mind and could take things from the proper perspective. I saw the good in the situation. I could see the potential there. And it excited me. I could see how I had been challenged in this situation. And I could see the positive outcome that had already come from it and just how much I had changed in just a few short months. And that is a good thing.

So now I need to go forward and unplug those ears, stop yelling as loud as I can to overcome that voice, and listen to the advice I can give myself. Because I know a thing or two it seems.


*full disclaimer: as some don't get my humor, there is sarcasm in the title and last line or two.. maybe just a little...

Clarity

I thought each year of age brought about more clarity and certainty. But I am beginning to see just how naive that idea is. In just the few weeks of turning a quarter century it seems I've found myself in more quandaries than not.

I suppose it deals with the fact that as you get older you begin to become more self aware. In fact, I'd wager that it isn't until your 20s, when you are finally faced with full responsibility of your life, do you begin to actually understand things you say and do. Your perception of yourself increases.

Sadly, for me, I've seen on numerous occasions over the past few months where I have become self-aware in the midst of different situations. And in many cases it appears to be too late. I get that hindsight before it becomes hindsight but after it could have been perception of what was to unfold. And the majority of times I could have made different choices that could have prevented, or even encouraged, behaviors.

What's all this to say? Nothing really. It is merely an observation of the transformative years I have been through and will move into. I suppose it is also an expression of frustration. Frustration because it seems my heart and mind are disconnected but slowly on a path to reconnect as I become more and more self aware. And until that happens, that dissonance will be an issue.