There is this one question that always lingers in the back of my head. Never nagging, it sort of just sits there and reminds me periodically.

What will people remember me for?


Is it my brashness? My quickness to anger? My wild emotions? My sociable personality? Or how about my willingness to try new things? I guess deep down this question really begs to tell me that I tend to care what other people think about me. But I really don't consider this a shallow social kind of worry. Because you really only need to get to know me over the course of a few hours to learn that I act and behave in ways that reflect a person who really could care less if you thought him odd, strange, goofy, awesome, angry, or all of the above. And it isn't arrogance either (though arrogant I am).

No, I think it is more a self-awareness. I worry because I understand that my actions can and do affect others. How I came about to this source of self-awareness is certainly debated in my head. But I think a lot of it has to do with how I have been affected greatly by other people's decisions.

Just this morning, in a stupor from a lack of sleep and slight hangovers, two of my best friends and I were discussing just how much we have changed since high school. How those that were the popular and well-known have almost become wallflowers and those that were wallflowers (us certainly not being wallflowers but carrying more traits in common with them) have almost become the prominent, outgoing, and well-known socialites. I used to be one to sit by, and react to things that happened to me. But when I suddenly discovered that it really didn't seem to work out in a favorable way, I made a change. I became proactive. I made decisions and choices. And I began to demand more from myself.

Be as it may, that also means I affect people more often now. And I need to be conscious of my actions and words. For if I sit here and make both positive and negative comments about how many have affected me greatly, I need to understand I do the same to others. I'm not talking about the stereotypical "set an example by not doing drugs, being athletic, going to bible study, etc." I am talking about a holistic approach that involves a life with conscious decisions and careful actions to reflect how I truly want to be reflected. For in reality, people remember me for being me. And I need to be the me I want to be.