Ms. Steaks

I don't know what is necessarily the right decision to make. I don't know if I should take option one, or defer to option two. But then option three comes along and throws things for a loop.

People always seem to have such high expectations for me. No, I am not talking about doing well professionally, being the "best I can be." Well, maybe I am. Deep down that ends up being the wishes of others with their expectations of me. And no one means wrong. And in no way am I saying I have feel overcome with pressure to perform to peoples expectations. I do feel the pressure, but I know and understand that most of it is internal - and that is healthy. It is a good drive that keeps me going, makes me progress, and moves me forward. People always say I am a leader and pioneer, and I think it comes from this drive to perform to expectations.

But a leader will, and should be able to make mistakes. And when I say leader, I don't mean when I am in a position where others necessarily look to me for direction. Even in leading my own life, where others look at me merely to observe and not follow, I will lead. And I will make mistakes. Those mistakes may come at great or small costs, and costs that affect me alone or others around me. But I will make them. Yet I seem to try and minimize my mistakes, and not in a good way. We all don't want to make mistakes. But when the fear of messing up begins to limit you there is a problem. I have started to feel affected by my own fear of doing something wrong. It limits me to a degree in how I enjoy life. I don't sit here consumed by my fears of making a mistake, but I know I am missing chances to see and experience new things. Be it a new relationship, a new trip, a new opportunity, whatever.

So here is my response to it all:

I am imperfect. I will hurt you, I will disappoint you. I will make mistakes. But from all that I will become something special. I will grow and develop into the person I was meant to be. What that is, I don't know. But I do know 40 years down the road I don't want to look back on my life and see a string of safe decisions that came at the cost of excitement, newness, and change.