Hindsight is the greatest way to beat yourself up. But it is also a great way to be reflective, learn from mistakes, and keep attempting to.... work. Looking back at my life over the past 12 months I can see many mistakes, but also many successes. If there is anything I have learned, it is that the human has a desire for fulfillment that is so powerful it can blind even the quickest of minds. I have the mind of molasses, so my heart easily takes over control.
A desire for love. A need for attention. A hope for success. A passion for something. A worry of pain. A fear of something out of one's control.
The heart takes on many emotions that all reflect an inward desire. It is so important to be reflective, to use that hindsight to delve into the reasoning behind your actions to find that emotion to unearth your inner need. Once that need has been recognized, only then can a balance be found.
It is important to note that I am not explicitly talking about survival instincts. But I am talking about how survival instincts can play an important role in our actions. It may not be hunger for food. But hunger for alcohol, sex, attention, or money can be just as powerful as the need for water and food. For me, my hunger is relations. I desire to feel wanted, to be had, and to know I am loved. It comes from a deep sense of need and a lack of feeling loved growing up. But the reality is that my desire is no different from yours. I am Christian, that should be obvious by now. And so I believe that our separation from God, the one ultimate satisfaction, is what has created this need in not just me, but all humans. What is different though, is how we react to this hunger. It takes on desires for relationships, alcohol, sex, money, power, gossip. There are moments in your life that can help explain why you desire what you desire, but the root cause is a need, no an ache, in your heart. And that ache comes from separation from God.
28.2.11
23.2.11
Animals
Stuck in limbo, there are times when we feel both security and fear. We are starved yet full at the exact same moment. Have you ever opened up the fridge to just stare at the choices and options unable to decide if you really want something to eat all the while the cool soft air the machine had worked so hard to build up is quickly rushing out into nothingness? I do it all too often.
Is my life a conundrum? That is like going up to a Dominican and asking him if his life is worthless since he will achieve the same ouput (on a global scale) as a teenager from a developed country. What is the point in poor people if we have wealthy who are far more productive? What is the point of an indecisive person that is creative if they cannot implement their ideas? Why not rid the world of creativity and have CEOs and board members make all our decisions? Such a good idea...
But where is the fun in that? There is none. Please, you think God allowed sin because he wanted us to CHOSE? Tell me, since sin has been in this world, what choices have you actually made? Nope, sin is fun. God likes fun.
But in all seriousness, our indecisiveness, our lack of productivity, our lack of creativity, or the void of efficiency isn't wrong. It is merely a by product of this thing people call sin. It is because we are animals driven by our hunger for unsatisfactory things. Nothing can ever fulfill this deep innate desires we have.
Take me. I bought a new iPod. Now I want a new iMac. Suddenly I need a used Mazda3 with 160 horsepower and a 5-speed short throw manual.... Hmm back to Criswell Honda? Nope. I am going to let that animal inside me die. Let the craving disappear. Because reality will set in. And I don't need a car. I don't need a new iMac, mine runs slow, but just fine. And the iPod, well it isn't satisfying me because it isn't designed to fulfill the needs I need met.
So what do I need met? Get to know me, then I will be more than happy to explain my shortcomings. But the overarching need is a need to belong. To feel wanted. Either by love or friendship it is a natural need every human has.
As we have the hunger of dogs, so we have the desire for packs like dogs.
I am a dog. And so are you. Think about that. Then listen/watch the music video of Animal by Neon Trees. A hopeless love song that casts the same mood and tone of every Top 40 song before it. But the idea of the animal. That is fresh and interesting.
Think of yourself as an animal. Then see how you look at life.
Is my life a conundrum? That is like going up to a Dominican and asking him if his life is worthless since he will achieve the same ouput (on a global scale) as a teenager from a developed country. What is the point in poor people if we have wealthy who are far more productive? What is the point of an indecisive person that is creative if they cannot implement their ideas? Why not rid the world of creativity and have CEOs and board members make all our decisions? Such a good idea...
But where is the fun in that? There is none. Please, you think God allowed sin because he wanted us to CHOSE? Tell me, since sin has been in this world, what choices have you actually made? Nope, sin is fun. God likes fun.
But in all seriousness, our indecisiveness, our lack of productivity, our lack of creativity, or the void of efficiency isn't wrong. It is merely a by product of this thing people call sin. It is because we are animals driven by our hunger for unsatisfactory things. Nothing can ever fulfill this deep innate desires we have.
Take me. I bought a new iPod. Now I want a new iMac. Suddenly I need a used Mazda3 with 160 horsepower and a 5-speed short throw manual.... Hmm back to Criswell Honda? Nope. I am going to let that animal inside me die. Let the craving disappear. Because reality will set in. And I don't need a car. I don't need a new iMac, mine runs slow, but just fine. And the iPod, well it isn't satisfying me because it isn't designed to fulfill the needs I need met.
So what do I need met? Get to know me, then I will be more than happy to explain my shortcomings. But the overarching need is a need to belong. To feel wanted. Either by love or friendship it is a natural need every human has.
As we have the hunger of dogs, so we have the desire for packs like dogs.
I am a dog. And so are you. Think about that. Then listen/watch the music video of Animal by Neon Trees. A hopeless love song that casts the same mood and tone of every Top 40 song before it. But the idea of the animal. That is fresh and interesting.
Think of yourself as an animal. Then see how you look at life.
21.2.11
Under Control
Life.
Crazy. Unpredictable. And ridiculous.
But as cliche as that all sounds, let's admit there is much truth to that statement. Case in point: one person you all know so well spent the past 6 months blindsided by anger towards a feeling, an emotion, and a spirit, so much so as to become the very best he had been afraid of for years. Life, in it's crazy game of fun it calls human beings threw me for a loop putting me into an endless cycle of anger towards God, towards truth, towards love, and towards confidence. Gory details aside, it hit me about four weeks ago that the life I was pursuing was less satisfactory than the life I had changed from 9 months prior. In my attempt to change course, I sort of over compensated by allowing my anger to guide my choices, not a humility I have so proudly professed I am learning about in past posts. That anger brought about a life that I was never fully satisfied with. How could anger ever be fulfilling? And how could attempts to stifle that anger ever bring about happiness?
It took a slightly tipsy 4am conversation full of raw emotion with a seemingly complete stranger to make the realization that my life had been out of control, was out of control, and would continue to be out of control until I came to this realization:
My actions, my decisions, they don't matter. My relationships, my work, my life is not important. What is foundational is my relationship with God. All else will fall into place. Our lives fall into disarray and out of control when we let emotions, raw feelings, and human beings dictate our world. Control only arrives once that power is returned to the being that gave it to us in the first place.
Losing control? Then give up control.
See where that leads you.
Crazy. Unpredictable. And ridiculous.
But as cliche as that all sounds, let's admit there is much truth to that statement. Case in point: one person you all know so well spent the past 6 months blindsided by anger towards a feeling, an emotion, and a spirit, so much so as to become the very best he had been afraid of for years. Life, in it's crazy game of fun it calls human beings threw me for a loop putting me into an endless cycle of anger towards God, towards truth, towards love, and towards confidence. Gory details aside, it hit me about four weeks ago that the life I was pursuing was less satisfactory than the life I had changed from 9 months prior. In my attempt to change course, I sort of over compensated by allowing my anger to guide my choices, not a humility I have so proudly professed I am learning about in past posts. That anger brought about a life that I was never fully satisfied with. How could anger ever be fulfilling? And how could attempts to stifle that anger ever bring about happiness?
It took a slightly tipsy 4am conversation full of raw emotion with a seemingly complete stranger to make the realization that my life had been out of control, was out of control, and would continue to be out of control until I came to this realization:
My actions, my decisions, they don't matter. My relationships, my work, my life is not important. What is foundational is my relationship with God. All else will fall into place. Our lives fall into disarray and out of control when we let emotions, raw feelings, and human beings dictate our world. Control only arrives once that power is returned to the being that gave it to us in the first place.
Losing control? Then give up control.
See where that leads you.
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