Haven't done this in a while...

So I apologize for not blogging in a good while... then again few people actually read this blog so perhaps it is more of just an apology to myself. Six days and I am back stateside after my longest time abroad ever. I do not regret this decision. Nor do I want it to end. I am going to miss this place: the culture, the people, the food, the land, and even the language. But perhaps what I am going to miss the most is the experience itself. You might think I am crazy as I just listed about everything I have experienced in the preceding sentence. No, what I mean is that try as hard as you all may, you will never be interested in what happened to me down here. That is not commentary on anyone's character. No, the fact is that none of you were here to see what I saw or live through what I lived through. You will show interest, but it will be minimal, limited by the distance between us for the past twelve weeks.

I am going to miss this place. The fact is that this summer confirmed something in me I have been trying to deny for years. I used to joke with others that I would be poor the rest of my life, having always chosen to serve others and work with the poor. Granted I haven't really stood out in terms of my service but I seem to always choose the action that leads me to working and serving the poor. Deep down however, as I joked, I secretly worried that the joke had truth to it. Well my time down here has answered that burning question.

For some odd reason, I am captivated by the poor. It isn't that my heart aches for the starving or the meek. On the contrary, I have no emotion other than the desire to teach them how to alleviate that poverty. And that is just it. That emotion brings up a desire and passion much stronger than sadness or sorrow. I am destined to work with the poor. It honestly pains me and scares me to death to say that. But my time here displayed to me how much I want to help the poor. Who else takes an internship to see what is "wrong" with microfinance to see how it can be changed? Who else is so humbled by their time down here that they literally almost throw the internship away in arrogance and selfishness to only take a mighty stab to the heart?

Already as I confess this to you, the fight has begun. I could do so well, make so much back in the States, or over in Europe. But that makes this decision all the more inevitable. I know what it means to make the hard decision or to realize the hard decision and run away from it.

I want you all to know I am literally dreading going back to the States. I don't want to leave. And I don't want to go back to my own culture, my own wealth. This will sound arrogant, but I understand poverty as best as any 21 year old can. It is 21 year olds like me that need to be out there living and working with the poor. So there you have it, my internship wrapped up into one blogpost.